These days BDSM play is more popular than ever, and practices like bondage, impact play, and dominance/submission have definitely entered the mainstream. Studies have even shown that BDSM can have psychological benefits. For many folks, relinquishing control to a dominant partner can be incredibly appealing.
There are so many ways to explore power imbalance play. Whether by being restrained, engaging in roleplay, or being on the receiving end of flogging. Another option is to hand over control of your orgasm to your partner, leaving it up when — and even if– you experience a climax. Does that sound good? If so, keep reading to learn about forced orgasm play: what it is, why it can be enjoyable, and how you can (safely) get started.
What Is A Forced Orgasm, Exactly?
Forced orgasm is a BDSM practice that falls under the heading of “consensual nonconsent.” That means it is a practice that looks like one partner (typically the dominant one or “dom”), in the context of a BDSM scene, is forcing the other (the submissive partner or “sub”) to do things against their wishes when in actuality, the pair is engaging in an activity that has been negotiated beforehand in order to be safe for all involved.
In forced orgasm play, a willing partner is stimulated to the point of orgasm, often while restrained so they cannot get away from the stimulation. Both BDSM and orgasm can create experiences that feel delightfully out of control, so bringing the two together can give submissive partners a powerful feeling of release and surrender.
What Does a Forced Orgasm Look Like?
The answer to that question can differ from person to person and even scene to scene. It can vary based on the anatomy of the receiver, the stamina of the giver, personal preferences, pain tolerance, and even pleasure tolerance (that’s right, sometimes even pleasure can be too much!). Ultimately, what a forced orgasm entails depends on factors like the receiver’s anatomy, sexual preferences, and pleasure and pain tolerance.
If the receiver has a vulva, forced orgasm can entail bringing them to orgasm repeatedly without breaks in between. They might be tied down or otherwise restrained while their partner wields a strong vibrator (I personally recommend a high-powered wand). Because folks with vulvas tend to have a significantly shorter refractory period (the time between orgasms when the body is often unable to become aroused) than folks with penises, they are uniquely equipped for this “orgasm after orgasm” style of forced orgasm play.
For folks with penises, their long refractory periods can mean that forced orgasm looks more like orgasm denial or continued stimulation after orgasm when the genitals are sensitive.
Additionally, forced orgasm scenes might involve a dominant requiring their sub to seek permission to orgasm, a dominant demanding that their sub orgasm, or roleplay where an authority figure or medical practitioner “forces” their underling or patient to climax.
Why Do People Enjoy Forced Orgasm?
There are several reasons people find forced orgasm play to be enjoyable. From the inherent surrender and loss of control to the blending of pain (like when stimulation is being administered to sensitive genitals post-orgasm) and pleasure to the payoff of the rush of endorphins that can come with the eventual orgasm, forced orgasm play has a lot of upsides.
How Do You Get Started With Forced Orgasm Play?
Getting started with forced orgasm play involves very little in the way of “stuff” because while you can use restraints and vibrators and more, you don’t have to, and you certainly don’t need specific tools. That said, it does require a lot in terms of planning and communication. Here are some steps to help you safely check out forced orgasm play.
1. Talk about it first. Any consensual non-consent sexual activity needs to be discussed. If you want to try forced orgasm play, bring the idea to your partner and decide together whether or not to pursue it.
2. Make safe plans. Because part of the fantasy here is being “forced” (and thus continuing if the sub’s character cries out “stop!”), you are going to want to employ a safe word, so you know if the receiver wants to stop. Choose a word you would never say during sex, like “kumquat” or “George Stephanopolous.” Additionally, it’s a good idea to have a system by which to measure and communicate pain. A scale of 1 to 10 or a stop light system (green for “go,” yellow for “pause,” red for “stop”) are both easy ways to stay on the same page.
3. Make fun plans. What’s going to happen? Will you engage in roleplay? Will you use restraints? Or sex toys for sexual stimulation? Plan out the scene that you want BEFORE sexy time.
4. Add accessories. Like I said earlier, you don’t need a ton of new stuff to try out forced orgasm play, but you may want to look through your nightstand and pick out restraints, a vibrator, whatever sounds good. If you feel like you want more than you have on hand, go sex toy shopping!
Once you have taken those steps, you are ready for your forced orgasm scene. Be sure to keep communicating and remember that while the dominant partner is “in charge,” the submissive partner can always stop or change what is happening.
Forced Orgasm Aftercare
So, you’ve put your orgasm control plan into action, you’ve done your forced orgasm scene, and all orgasms have been had. Does that mean you’re all done? No! It’s time for aftercare!
Like many BDSM activities, forced orgasm can give the partner on the receiving end a powerful rush of endorphins and adrenaline, and then when the scene ends, they might experience a sharp drop off in both of those things. That drop-off can result in “sub-drop,” which can include sadness, hunger, thirst, exhaustion (both physical and mental), as well as aches and pains.
Aftercare is how you can safely manage sub-drop. Aftercare is anything that tends to your partner’s well-being. It can include cuddling, making them a meal, bathing, or really any number of things. Check in to see what your partner needs when they experience sub-drop.
Forced Orgasm And Consent
There are plenty of ways to achieve forced orgasm, like experimenting with sensory play during sex or enhancing their orgasm with a dildo. Forced orgasm can be very enjoyable for all involved, but it is important to remember it is a consensual activity negotiated between partners. It is never okay to force an orgasm on a partner who has not consented to that activity. As much as you may think “orgasms are great, they won’t mind!” forcing an orgasm outside of the context of a negotiated scene is a form of sexual assault. It can leave the person on the receiving end feeling powerless, confused, and scared.
Forced orgasm scenes can be a fun and exciting way to play with dominance and submission. By taking the right steps, you can ensure a safe and pleasurable experience for all involved. On the flip side of a forced orgasm is orgasm denial. What is an orgasm denial? The name is self-explanatory. It’s basically a move where a dom stimulates you to the precipice of orgasm but then eases up denying you orgasm. This move can go hand in hand with forced orgasm.
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