What is Orgasm Control?

For a lot of people, the whole point of getting naked with a partner or alone, is to get yourself off. When you’re alone, you pull out your favorite sex toy or you put on some porn, and you do what feels good until you orgasm. With a partner, you get naked, fall into bed (the couch? On the floor?) and bump and grind in whatever way you like until — ideally — both of you are satisfied.

It’s not a bad way to spend some time. But there is another way to play that can make your desire stronger and your orgasms more powerful. Some people who enjoy BDSM use orgasm control as part of their power exchange and kink. But you don’t have to be kinky to experience orgasms like this. You just have to know how to do it.

Edged Orgasms

Depending on your point of view, edged orgasms are either the biggest tease ever or delightfully evil. Simply put, you touch yourself (or let your partner do it) in the way that feels good and will get you off. You keep going, don’t stop, until…Stop!

Just before you climax, everything stops. Pull the vibrator away. Take your hand off your vulva or penis. Back off completely. Timing is everything in this one, and you have to like the tease in order for this to be fun. Take a breath, let yourself calm down just a bit, and…start again.

You’ll get to the edge much quicker on the second round. You can go ahead and come now or keep playing and stop again. Now, start again. Do this as many times as you can stand it. For many people, once you allow yourself the orgasm, it’s bigger and more explosive than usual. You can make it more of a tease with powerful sex toys or by adding a bit of oral sex, too.

Forced Orgasms

Forced OrgasmsForced orgasms are popular in certain BDSM porn and with good reason. It’s pure power exchange and takes pleasure to a sometimes painful place. For people who enjoy that kind of thing, it’s a lot of fun to experience. But you don’t have to be kinky to force your orgasm, although you may need to be okay with the discomfort of a powerful climax.

Body wand massagers and powerful vibrators are most commonly used but if you have another sex toy that gets you off in a big way, grab it. If your partner is really good at fingering you or giving you a hand job, a hand works too. Either way, apply stimulation in as fast and forceful a manner as you can stand.

When you feel the orgasm building, it’s easy to want to slow down or at least pace yourself. This time, you’re going to keep going at full-speed. Don’t stop. You know that moment after a climax when you’re really sensitive and every touch makes you gasp? This time, you don’t stop at that point, either, but keep going. If you’re able to experience multiple orgasms (and not everyone can), you can probably force another orgasm or two, as long as you can stand the intensity.

Denied Orgasms

Denying yourself an orgasm is one thing. Denying your partner requires consent (all orgasm play does) but if you’re going to halt someone’s pleasure, you better make sure they’re willing. To deny an orgasm — for yourself or your partner — is simple and a little sadistic. You get yourself or your partner to the brink of an orgasm, just like edging yourself, but when you stop, you don’t start again.

That’s it. Just…stop. No release. Of course, you can always start up again later when you or your partner have “forgotten” that moment from earlier. And you can definitely make it more intense with a sex toy to add to your stimulation. In some cases, you might not go back to it for a day or longer.

Some people who identify as masochists, bottoms, or both will play with denied orgasms to find out how long they can go without. Sort of an endurance test for kinky people. Others like the temporary feeling of control (or lack of control). However long you deny yourself or your partner an orgasm, when the climax happens, it’s usually powerful. That’s probably why people are willing to do it — a short-term denial now creates an over-the-top reward later.


Orgasm control isn’t just for the kinky among us, and not all kinky folk enjoy orgasm play. But it’s great for anyone who wants to experience something new during solo sex or with a partner. Sex toys aren’t required but they make everything more intense. Treat yourself or your partner to more orgasmic pleasure and play with orgasm control. Note: Always get consent to try it with a partner first, and stop if you don’t like it.

Have you ever tried orgasm control — alone or with a partner? What did you think? Let us know down below!

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