Weight And Dating


It’s no secret that people claim that skinny people get party favors in life and dating. Try to find the overweight women telling the news. It’s few and far between, as people prefer fit people.

That does not mean you need to give up on love if you are overweight. The key to happiness is being comfortable in your body, regardless of size. Confidence is sexy.

Listen up, fat women. I don’t care if you are morbidly obese or just have a little extra weight. You need to love your body shape, and your romantic partner should support your physical appearance, as we do not need to promote disordered eating to be thin people.

A Big Girl

Being a big girl, having more than a few extra pounds has made a difference when I navigate life. From having less selection in romantic partners to longing for that hourglass shape from the college years, do not focus on a bad thing. Build your confidence, as you can still have sex, still be in relationships, and still have a pretty face to increase your self-esteem.

After a heart attack at only 24 from medication prescribed to me after my cliff diving accident, I gained weight, a significant amount, that I seemingly could not seem to lose, no matter how many times I had started dieting. My problem was never fast food intake, as I tried to eat healthy to prevent weight gain, but it never seemed enough. I would fluctuate.

Trust me, I know the difference between how people look at you when you are in shape versus fluffy. I constantly hear about my weight. I had to practice self-love and self-care.

Understanding A Yo-Yoer

Contrary to what some ex-boyfriends may have thought, a fat person can lose weight.  Mind-blowing concept, I’m sure, but it can, and does, happen.  I’m a yo-yoer, so I know all too well.

Surprisingly, not everyone understands the term yo-yoer, so I will explain that a yo-yoer is someone whose weight fluctuates up and down like a yo-yo.  I certainly did not come up with the term, but as soon as I heard it, I knew that applied to my weight over the years.  I can go from fat to skinny and back to fat again.

It can tie in with trauma, which mine does.  See, when you get fat, people don’t look at you the same as when you’re in shape and skinny.  When they don’t look at you, it’s like you can disappear for a bit. It really effects your dating life.

Depression and Bulimia

Sure, it’s a fight, and a struggle when you do want to get noticed again, as losing weight does not happen overnight.  That’s when depression hits, as you realize it’s going to take a while, so you eat more.  Admittedly, in the past, I had turned to what would have been considered bulimic options, which would include me camping out in the gym for four to six hours each day, but I did not have time to do that again.

While most people can do bootcamp or extreme exercises when you have multiple extensive injuries from an accident, your mind likes to think you can do that type of stuff, but your body says no.  After being told I’d never walk again at 19 years old, even after proving doctors wrong, there’s a limit on how much I can physically handle before my body gives out on me.  Ah, there’s nothing quite so sexy as when the old hip locks up, the entire leg freezes, and it causes me to drop like a dead buffalo randomly. 

Words Like Fists

Start a diet, attempt to make strides, drop a few pounds, and attempt to walk into the boyfriend’s motorhome.  He stops me at the door, wide-eyed.  “No, you’re so fat, you will pop the tires on the RV.”

He laughs and calls it a joke.  Nearly a decade later, I’m still not laughing.  Words can hurt like fists.

What’s the Secret?

Does everyone want to know what’s the secret to losing weight?  How did I finally start to turn the corner?  What was that kickstart to get me motivated and pumped up to make a needed change in my life?

It was not the people who would nag me about being overweight.  It was not the boyfriend who noticed me losing weight and would purposely only want to eat fattening stuff to control me further.  This time, I was not even killing myself for hours at the gym as I did in the past.

I got rid of my gym membership, which worked out so much that I merely injured everything at once.  My meniscus was messed up, plantar fasciitis flared up, torn rotator cuff, cyst, and a tear in my hip joint, all hitting me simultaneously to the point where it’s like, “no, you cannot use the machines at the gym.”  Going back to basics, I bought a house with a pool, as aqua therapy works best for me.

Luckily, my sensei from martial arts had taught me modified exercises after my accident, teaching me some tricks that would allow me to do my kicks in the water when I could not do them on the land.  The biggest, cheapest trick for a pool is simply using empty milk jugs to work out with, using the resistance of them floating when empty, pushing them down in the water, or filling them with water to lift like free weights.

First World Solution

While some people might think of weight loss surgery as a first-world solution to weight loss, mine was way less invasive.  It’s called working with a professional sports team.  Thank you, world-class chefs!!!

Granted, not everyone has access to a few different chefs with around-the-globe influences to make perfectly portioned meals high in protein and low in sugar. Still, anyone can modify their diet to simply cut out sugars and increase proteins.  It’s not all eating meat like a caveman; as one chef commented, “these boys will eat the heck out of some brussel sprouts.”  I remember one player them calling baby lettuce heads when he was trying to recall the name of them. 

Having a buffet, I still had to make the right choices.  Skip the fried foods.  Lots of veggies.

Befriend the chefs.  Be nice to them.  They might make you something special if you’re nice. Hows that for weight loss?

What to Eat?

Before joining the team, I remember wandering through the grocery store, wondering what I should eat.  I knew I was trying to make a change in my diet, I just wasn’t sure where to start.  Finding myself jumping on diet trends, thinking I was making good choices; there are so many hidden sugars.

The difference is going to where the selections are made for you, taking the “what to make” part out of it.  They didn’t give fast food as an option, though players could order that if they wanted to stray and pay.  Instead, their options consisted of fresh fruit, pre-portioned out, so you’re not bingeing a whole bag.

They always had a couple of vegetable options.  When it’s right in front of you, already made and ready to eat, it’s easy to point, have them slap it on the plate, and eat the right thing.  Salad is always an option, so even if you don’t like dinner options, make a salad you know is healthy.

While they had a selection of grab-and-go sandwiches, the thing I picked up on is that they loaded their sandwiches with meats, making them more protein than carbs.  Sure, there was still bread, and different kinds at that, though often packed with nuts or seeds for an added punch.  They had some low-carb wraps and various healthier options but did not always have a vast selection of desserts.

Healthy Dessert Options

Occasionally, they would have some desserts for holidays, birthdays, or whatever reason.  It’s not like they’re so strict that they can’t have an occasional bite of chocolate.  However, it’s worth noting that the chefs went out of their way to strive to include a few healthy dessert options at times.

Yogurt parfaits were a regular thing, though they were packed with layers of nuts, granola and fruit.  It’s not like it’s hard to stir nuts, granola, or fruit into yogurt at home.  You don’t even need an oven.

My favorite, and one thing I pestered one staff member for regularly, as she would indulge me, was a variety of chia seed puddings.  Having tried several times to make it at home, each time unable to get the consistency right, I begged her to tell me the secret.  “Put a little yogurt in it so it’s not watery.”

One-third yogurt, one-third almond milk, and one-third chia seed blended, and let sit overnight.  Create your puree of whatever fruit you have around to layer it with, and throw in extra fruit chunks and nuts.  This is probably my go-to for breakfast, and I have put so many spins on it already I just keep going.

Cut Down Portions

I was starting to have some health issues before ever working with the sports team, so I had been losing weight because of it.  While teaching at the college, I was exposed to a sick student and wound up in the hospital, puking so much that I developed a hernia.  The lingering effects, for whatever reason, affected my menstrual cycles, making me extremely nauseated during that time of the month, to the point I could not even hold water down and was simply doing rinse cycles, chugging a gallon, just to puke it right back up, trying to rinse out whatever acid was in there.

It got to the point where I was scared to eat.  Solid foods were not an option for weeks at a time.  Honestly, that started weight loss, which is not a healthy way to lose weight.

My doctor said it’s lucky I was overweight when it happened.  When you’re fat, losing weight is not an issue until it becomes an issue.  We’re watching to ensure that it is not bad, which is not easy to do when you don’t have decent health coverage, so it’s like a hope and a prayer with diet.

One Little Ingredient

Luckily, I’m friends with doctors.  I have been blessed enough to be able to turn to some of them off the record when I need to, though it’s not like they’re always available either.  Doctors tend to be busy.

It’s cut down portion sizes, cut out sugars and heavy oils.  Having a history of food allergies, I opted for a DNA test from my hair for allergies with various skin and blood test results.  Sure, I had to send it off to Europe, but it was less than $100 and revealed an olive oil marker.

While it’s not like I was allergic to the point that having some olive oil would kill me, when I thought about foods I ate when I got sick, olive oil was a common enough thread to try cutting it out.  When I did, it helped.  Being mindful of one little ingredient made a significant digestion difference.

A Gynecologist’s Advice

When I was working as managing editor at a medical publication, I had been talking to a doctor on the regular that had diabetes, and he schooled me on the realities of what diabetes can be like.  He was to the point where he had to go for regular retina injections and was legally blind from the disease.  Hammering it home that to some people, this can be prevented, watching an eyeball get stabbed with a massive needle, fluid filling the eyeball, that can be a little motivating, like yeah, no alcohol either then.

This gentleman was a retired gynecologist who had delivered many of my friends’ children, including the guy I toured on Ozzfest with.  “It was so cool when he delivered my daughter.  He showed up on one of those Ninja crotch rocket things, and half an hour later, she’s out, and he’s zooming off.”

Constantly nudging the doctor to tell me stories and confessions of what it was like to be deeper into most of my friends than their husbands and boyfriends, he would indulge me from time to time.  I will probably have to write a different story about that.  He’s an interesting character in the larger plot.

Let’s say his ex-wife worked with him and was none too happy when a lady showed up in lingerie and heels for her appointment.  He also told me the joys of getting meconium in his mouth while delivering a baby one time.  For those who don’t know, meconium is greenish-black baby feces from the womb.

Digest that for a minute.  Still hungry?  Let’s talk about weight loss.

On Losing Weight

I think my uncle summed it up best.  “We all know what to do.  It’s just a matter of doing it.”

Eat less and move more.  Make better choices.  No fast food.

While I have gone up and down several times in my life, I always knew I would lose weight (and probably gain some back) again.  Still, the average people on the street seem to forget that fat people can lose weight or that skinny people can get fat.  Add a birth, and you know what can happen to that prom queen who used to be so skinny, Minnie; after popping out a tribe, she has gotten a bit wide. Especialy if her fast food intake was high during pregnancey.

How You’re Treated

The most significant difference between being skinny and fat is how other people treat you.  When you’re fat, people love to tease you, throw your insecurities in your face, to try to control and manipulate you.  They expect you to be fat and depressed, naturally desperate, so they see you as an easy target to try, destroying any self esteem you had left.

Otherwise, they expect you to be fat and jolly.  Go with the flow of what others want.  Fat and happy. More weight gain. 

I’m Not Barbie

I’m not Santa, and I’m not Barbie.  Skinny people get the party favors in life.  They get invited to places. Fat people don’t.  They get to sit at home.  Don’t come out, Quasimodo!

No, screw that.  I’m the one who has always broken tradition.  I could be fat and still get regular dick or pussy, even with a few extra pounds.

I’m not staying home.  My work requires me to go out and about.  It’s not an option to sit depressed.

Games People Play

However, the games guys play, and girls play them, too!  Some girls only want fat girls around to make them look good, but if you should lose weight, you might not have that same connection.  Other girls only want skinny chicks around to make them more marketable in a group, catching castoffs.

Drive around and look for bumper stickers that say, “no fat chicks” if you don’t believe me.  It’s okay for a guy to gain weight, but if a girl does, oh, mister.  Might as well get her a dozen cats and go hide out.

Thing is, once a guy has treated me badly, said something about my weight, or made me feel uncomfortable, those are the guys I don’t want to let know that I lost weight.  As a yo-yoer, I know that those guys who were just making fun of you will now be trying to bang you.  My mentality is more of the thought that if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve my best.

Today, a guy I banged a year ago sent me a random message about fat chicks aimed at me.  Now that I am down 85 pounds from the last time he saw me, do you think I want to let him know?  If he’s sending me that type of crap, then no, I want him to still think of me as fat and forget my number.

Throw Another Bone

Oh, but shouldn’t I throw him another bone if he banged me while I was fat?  No. Not really.

Head games are not my interest.  Down-talkers are never helpful.  While skinny people might be able to lose weight, someone with a personality flaw might not be able to change that, and if someone is simply rude by nature, they will likely continue to be that way: you can’t change that as quickly as your weight.

Finding Someone New

Why does it seem like most people will default to online dating when they want to find someone new? One experience I had was with a guy from Syria I met on dating apps, whose opening line was blaming me personally for the war in his country, so he thought I owed him to get knocked up and get him a green card, which was memorable, but for the wrong reasons: block. Another guy I met on dating apps told me he was on death row for four of the past five years, and just before he was about to be killed, they exonerated him, allowing him to be free, single, and ready to mingle.

the last one I met on dating apps said he was living with his girlfriend still, had no car, and was looking for a new place to flop. While these might make for exciting stories, they might not be my first choice for finding dates. We might want to increase our love life, but I have met so many rude people online dating.

What People Remember

People tend to remember when others are rude or make fun of them, as people tend to remember the positive and negative.  Never make fun of someone for being fat, as they will remember who made fun of them and who was nice to them.  Being overweight or even morbidly obese can change, but as they say, there’s no fixing stupid. So many people will be extra cruel in online dating because they are not face to face. Cowards.

Who I might throw a bone to are the ones that were nice to me, who didn’t talk down to me, which was rare on these dating apps, though chances are, if there was a spark, you would feel it regardless of weight.  For the record, there is a polite way of letting someone know that you do not agree with their actions without being a bully.

No Reminder Necessary

Usually, when people are fat, they know.  They don’t need a reminder.  They don’t need you to tell them, point it out, or try to manipulate them because you think they feel a way due to being fat.

Physical With Friends

Want to help someone lose weight?  Be a friend.  Invite them to do physical fun stuff with you.

Let’s go for a beach walk.  Let’s go to a drum circle.  There’s a yoga class I’d like to try.

Inviting someone and making them feel welcome and comfortable can lead to more positive changes.  Being there for someone, letting them know you’re in it with them, and doing an activity with them can be positive growth that people need.  Conquer a challenge like white water rafting, then brag about it.

Go axe throwing.  Learn a few tricks. 

Start Out Small

Start small.  Do things on the regular.  Go outside, walking far, so you have no choice but to walk back.

Though I may have lost some weight, I still have more to go on my journey. It’s funny how you judge yourself more when you start to lose weight. Don’t get down on yourself; keep up your motivation by encouraging yourself, as results are not always instantaneous.

Having friends and a support system helps, but you don’t need it.  It only takes individual motivation.  You lead your own life, so you might as well make yourself as sexy as possible and enjoy it.

I know I always try to have fun.  You should, too. 

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