If there’s one thing we know about all types of relationships, it’s that each one looks, feels and works differently for everyone. Not only do people identify with various sexualities, but they often have particular expectations that they may not express to their partner. One of those expectations is defining the power dynamic — is it mutual or does one person “wear the pants in the relationship?” For many people, they and their partner (or partners) split responsibilities and work together to have shared goals and influence on one another. However, there is one type of relationship that centers around one person having some or complete control over another — the Dom/sub relationship.
What Are Dom/Sub Relationships and How Do They Work?
Dom/sub relationships make up one-third of BDSM, which stand for:
- Bondage and discipline
- Dominance and submission
- Sadism and masochism
BDSM involves acts where partners exert power over one another, consensually. And, as you’ve probably already guessed, submissive and dominant relationships are about the Dom (dominant person) taking control of the sub (submissive person). This typically pertains to what goes on in the bedroom, but can also define the relationship as a whole. For instance, some Dom/sub relationships may involve getting it on regularly, but other relationships could be long-distance where there is rarely any physical contact.
Now, while these relationships are centered around power, you still gotta set some ground rules! The last thing you need is a panicky partner tying you up and being too scared to follow through, leaving you bound and wondering if you should have been the Dom. If you’re unfamiliar with submissive and dominant relationships, or intrigued by the idea of engaging in one, we at PinkCherry are here to guide you towards kinky bliss. Here are four rules that you should follow to whip up a happy, quirky Dom/sub relationship.
1. Make Sure Everybody Consents
You know that consent must always be given for any sexual activity. However, Dom/sub relationships involve bondage and degradation, which can be major turn-offs for certain people. The BDSM community is huge and filled with adventurous individuals, but you can still meet somebody in or outside of the community who doesn’t express the same kinks as you. Make sure whoever you are dating wants the same experience as you. Part of this is defining boundaries to make sure everyone knows what is and isn’t okay.
2. Clearly Define (and Embrace) Your Role
Dealing with an indecisive or unconfident person is a common pet peeve. We’ve all been there — we’re ready for dinner and our partner cannot for the life of them give you a clear answer on what they want to eat. If you think that’s bad, imagine being told what to do by a Dom who would prefer to be a sub. Before you ever start a Dom/sub relationship, you should firmly communicate your intentions with your partner and define which roles you should both take on.
3. Roles Are Not Set In Stone
Going off of the last rule, it’s important that you understand that once you define a role, you don’t have to stay in the role. Some couples do take on master and slave relationships where the Dom and sub embody their roles 24/7. However, someone can also identify as a “switch” where they are able to play either role, possibly even “switching” in the middle of passionate lovemaking. Additionally, you can choose to be a Dom or sub only in sexual situations, while leaving room for a more “vanilla relationship” in public or while relaxing around the house.
4. Dom/Sub Relationships Are About Intimacy
The nature of submissive and dominant relationships often paints a picture of cruel humiliation, but this is far from the truth. Doms and subs establish a level of trust with one another to make sure everybody is comfortable, turned on and eager to roleplay. Couples who engage in Dom/sub dynamics still love each other, and the point of BDSM is to comfortably release sexual anguish in a way that is intimate. In fact, most couples in a Dom/sub relationship use a safe word to ensure that their partner isn’t feeling any extreme pain or discomfort.
Power Up Your Dom/Sub Relationship With Toys from PinkCherry!
Sure, you can have a Dom/sub relationship from afar (i.e., long distance relationships). However, when it’s time to see your partner and whip them into shape, you need an actual whip! At PinkCherry, we offer plenty of great bondage sex toys to live out your wild and kinky fantasies. From pleasure masks to leashes and collars, we have it all. And, if you’re completely new to Dom/sub relationships, we offer starter BDSM kits to give you some inspiration. Don’t get tied up in hesitation — unleash your Dom/sub relationship desires by shopping our selection today!