In a world where it’s harder than ever to safely connect with people in person, and there are more opportunities to connect with people around the world, more and more couples are finding the need to build intimacy over long distances and connect virtually. Of course, many of us are also traveling for work more than ever, so some people need to become long-distance intimacy experts out of pure necessity. Luckily, it’s completely possible to share intimacy without being in bed together – but sometimes, it can be challenging to keep intimacy alive without the physical presence of a partner. That brings us to the topic of today’s article – how can you build the intimacy that you think you should have?
Intimacy is all about building an emotional connection. So, we have a few tips and tricks we’d love to share with you on how to light your partner’s fire and keep it burning hot!
Don’t Forget the Power of Conversation
Intimacy is more than just sex – mind-blowing, we know! It’s the feeling you get when you are with someone and you want to be even closer. To build this “I can’t stand being without you” feeling, never underestimate the power of conversation. Anything from the latest movie you both watched to your sexual preferences is fair game! All of this is part of building intimacy and trust.
If you have run out of questions to ask each other, there are plenty of resources out there that can help you get to know your partner more. From card games that ask you to ponder interesting situations to some deep diving into your core relationship wounds, understanding each other’s past, present, and future is necessary to really build the intimacy you desire.
Stick in Their Mind All Day Long
Constantly being on your partner’s mind is what it’s all about! A lot of intimacy relates back to how the other person feels about you. You want to be that person they cannot get off their mind while they are working, going to the gym, or just sitting at the dinner table. To do this, you need to get a little creative. You have to make a little extra effort to say and do memorable things that make them feel special and cause them to think about you more than they normally would.
For example, show off the sexy lingerie you put on under your work clothing or tell them exactly what you are going to do to yourself while thinking about them. Be creative. Be seductive. Be memorable!
Put on A Little Show
Everyone likes a little private showing! And thanks to your phone, you are able to put on a little show for your partner, no matter how far away they are. You can do this live on video chat if you are bold, or you can film yourself and send it that way. Often, people are more comfortable filming themselves and sending it, just make sure that your partner consents to getting the video (and not sharing it).
You can put on a show by using a toy, telling your partner what you want them to do to you when they are finally within arm’s reach, or both at the same time. If this feels strange to you, or you are nervous, consider dressing up for the video. Do your makeup, spritz on some perfume, grab a glass of wine, and relax. If you want to lower the lights, do so – even if your partner cannot see everything, they will still love the idea of it all. You can fill the air with romance if you stay creative and sexy!
Phone Sex Is the Good Old Standby for A Reason
In a world of technology, sometimes we think that the old-fashioned things don’t work anymore, but they’re not called “oldies but goodies” for no reason! You can create intimacy through talking on the phone for hours at a time and talking about anything that comes to mind – or you can turn up the heat with phone sex. It may seem cliche to ask someone what they are wearing (and don’t say khakis – LOL!), but it is a great way to start the process.
Treat phone sex as an event –put on something sexy, light some candles, grab a glass of wine, and relax. Grab your favorite toy or just use your fingers. Don’t try to rush through it. While it may seem somewhat awkward the first few times, eventually you will start to get into it and look forward to these sexy little rendezvous.
Make it a date! It may seem like you don’t have enough time for weekly Skype dates, but you do. If you want to make the time in your schedule, you will. Pick a day and time that will work for the two of you and then stick to it. Even if you only talk to each other face to face for a few minutes, it will be worth it. There is something to be said about eye contact and being able to see someone move and think.
Ideally, you will be able to do this a few times a week, but our lives can get busy and chaotic. We totally get it! Just try to make it happen as much as you can, and your relationship will be better for it. Seeing each other will help build the intimacy you’re craving!
Don’t Be Afraid to Be Everything
Be that and “the whole enchilada!” While you are talking on the phone or on video chat, don’t be afraid to be yourself. Don’t try to create some special person that your partner won’t know when they actually meet you or when you are together. Tell them when you are sad, when you’re happy, or when you are just annoyed with life. Allow them to see you being silly and funny or serious and thoughtful. If someone at work bums you out or the state of the world makes you mad, talk about it. You cannot be the happy, go-lucky seductress all the time. You can only create intimacy when you are your real self!
Don’t Push: Intimacy Builds Over Time
Remember that intimacy means something different to everyone and that you shouldn’t compare your relationship to the timeline of someone else’s relationships – particularly if that relationship isn’t long distance. Everyone has different experiences. That’s what makes life interesting. It could be that your partner is slower to open up because of something that happened in their past, which is totally ok. Don’t rush your partner or yourself to create this kind of intimacy. It will all happen in good time.
Instead, be you, and go at your own pace. Trying to force intimacy or push your partner can actually result in the opposite of what you want. Even if you have a timeline in your mind, don’t be stuck to it. Allow your relationship to progress naturally, build that “oh-so-amazing” intimacy, and give your love the wings it needs to go the distance!