There comes a point for a lot of folks when they open their sex toy drawer and feel completely underwhelmed. I know I certainly have. Just like anything else, the toys you use on the regular can become boring and less stimulating over time. In part, your body becomes accustomed to the shapes and sizes, and there’s also the mental element: what is known or predictable can become dull.
You can combat this by trying a new kind of sex toy, or by buying similar toys in different materials or you can level-up and invest in some bigger toys. Before you cringe, let’s dispel some size myths and review some facts about getting comfortable with big-for-you penetrative toys.
Myth: Porn is a good standard for comparison
You may think of “big sex toys” and immediately imagine a porn star sliding down a traffic cone or some other disproportionately large object. That may seem like an overwhelming prospect, but porn is never the standard to aim for. Most porn is contrived and fictional. The people that use big toys in porn have practiced and worked at getting those results.
Getting comfortable with a new size of dildo or other penetrative toys takes time, and it’s totally okay that it takes time. If you want to explore larger sex toys, there’s no need to compare yourself to what other folks are doing. And if bigger toys aren’t the right choice for you, that’s cool too. You do you!
Fact: Big is relative
Big for you might seem average to someone else, and vice versa. When you look at large sex toys, try to keep that in mind. For a toy to be big, it need only be big for you, and that’s totally relative. Whether toys are for vaginal or anal use, whatever is a reasonable next step for you is the right step. Conditions like IBS or vaginismus can make the prospect of bigger toys a challenge, or even an impossibility. It’s not a competition, you know your body best, do what feels right for you.
Myth: Big sex toys are all pain, no gain
The human body is a miraculous machine. When it comes to accommodating a large object, be it anally or vaginally, it may surprise you. The trick to do this safely, and with minimal discomfort, is to go slow and use a lot of lubricant. Both the vagina and the anus are sturdy bodily structures, but they are also made of some of the body’s most delicate tissues. Avoid micro-tears in the vagina and anus by ensuring that there’s no undue friction. If you think you’ve used enough lube, add a little more.
Always listen to your body and give yourself time to grow accustomed to a new penetrative toy. For some people, the excitement of big sex toys is about the extraordinary length. For others, it’s all about girth. But for many folks, the appeal is both, but regardless of your goals, the safest approach is slow and slippery.
Fact: Your body will bounce back
Investing some “me time” in getting comfy with bigger toys can be really gratifying and sexy. If you worry that an oversized butt plug or dildo will “wreck you” and stretch you out permanently, put that worry to rest. The human body is resilient! Just as you can train your body to accommodate big sex toys, you can un-train it too, simply by using them less often.
“Use it or lose it” applies here. The more you practice, the more you can stretch, and the less you stretch, the more your body will return to its pre-stretched state.
Myth: Sex with my partner won’t be “enough” if I use big sex toys
Say it with me: sex toys do not replace human beings. Some people love the thrill and fullness of oversized toys, but that does not mean that smaller or more human-sized penetration becomes unfulfilling or a waste of time. If you are afraid that your partner will be upset or intimidated by your interest in larger sex toys, talk to them about it.
Your new dildo can’t cuddle with you after or kiss you or tell you how sexy you are, but your partner can. Share with them what you love about being intimate with them. Remind them of all the amazing, sexy things they bring to the table that a few pounds of silicone can’t.
Fact: Size does not define sexy
Some folks simply prefer really full penetration, some don’t. Neither is superior to the other; it’s all a matter of personal preference. Some really ugly stigma exist out there about “size queens” being unsatisfied by anything average. They have been called sex-crazed or slutty because they like a more robust ride. Remember: there’s nothing wrong with liking what you like so long as you are safe and everyone involved is a consenting adult.
Just like your body itself, your sexiness, your worthiness, and your desirability is not defined by size, and that includes the preferred size of your sex toy. There’s no shame in having the sexual experiences you want, and if that means a two-foot alien tentacle dildo, so be it.
There is no harm in investigating a curiosity for large sex toys. The worst that can happen, provided you stay smart and safe about it, is that you don’t like it as much as you expected or it takes you more time to enjoy it than you hoped.
Exploring your body and sexuality is normal and healthy, as is having an interest in how much you can take. Pushing your limits and staying open to new experiences is a part of sex positivity. Do what feels good, and remember: you only ever have to answer to yourself.
Have you ever used a sex toy that was too big or too small to give you the pleasure you needed? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!