How to Sext Without Feeling Stupid (or Getting Blocked)

Your phone can look up porn. It can help you meet your next soul mate. You can buy as many sex toys as you want and pay with your fingerprint. Some toys use a mobile app to make you come long and often.

All these sexy things are available through your phone. So why are people still so weird about sexting? Probably because sexting is the digital equivalent of dirty talk and verbal foreplay. If speaking your sexual desires leaves you with a sick feeling in your stomach, typing them isn’t always much easier.

You don’t have to feel weird about sexting. You just need to know a few tricks.

Get Consent

You don’t necessarily have to be formal and ask, “Can I send you dirty text messages?” unless that’s how you roll in your relationships. But you also shouldn’t sext a person you don’t actually know. Only sext people you’ve talked to before in non-sexy situations, have a standing relationship with, or after the conversation turns from “How are you?” to something flirtier. Never send a nude or random sext to anyone who didn’t know you existed before that first message.

Start Slow and Easy

Kind of like sex, sexting should start slow. Ease into things. Warm up first. The first sext shouldn’t be a pic of your genitals unless you’ve received permission from the other person to send it. Keep it light and flirty at the beginning. This is your chance to say something to your partner or crush that you feel awkward saying out loud. Don’t go full raging sex maniac from the start if you don’t already have a sexual relationship or if you’re still getting to know each other.

Proofread Before You Send

Proofread Before You SendAutocorrect is the bane of any texter’s existence, but in sexting what is supposed to be sexy becomes silly. Laughter is definitely great for sex, but dissolving into giggles makes it harder to get into the mood. The obvious one is “ducking” instead of “f*cking” but kinky can become kitchen, anal has become also, and tits turn into time – or any other variation of autocorrect fails. You can train your autocorrect but until you do, proofread your texts.

Say What You Feel

Some sexters are able to describe, in vivid detail, where they’ll put their tongue, genitals, hands, and sex toys on their partner. That might not be you, and that’s okay. Say what you feel and mean what you say.

I want you.

I can’t wait to see you again.

I want to be inside of you (or I want you inside of me)

Start with what you feel and let the conversation progress. If your sexting partner seems willing, push a little farther with each response.

Text Your Sexual Fantasies

Text Your Sexual FantasiesAssuming your partner is willing and responsive to your sext messages, this is a great time to spell out your sexual fantasies, kinky or otherwise. You can have a back and forth conversation about exactly what you’ll do when you’re together and naked. Explicitly sharing what you’ll do to each other is a great way to explore and becomes foreplay, even if you never act on the fantasy.

Sexy Pictures

Nudes may not be a good idea in the first message you send, but eventually, you may want to bare it all for your partner. Make sure they’re okay seeing your junk. If they say no or become upset, apologize and respect their wishes. However, if you get the green light, nude pictures can be a great way to heat things up. Part of the fun is taking a picture, especially without getting caught. Receiving a sexy pic during your busy day may be even more fun.

Word of warning: There are risks in sexting nude images of yourself. They can be used later without your consent and possibly as revenge or blackmail. Be careful who you send these images to.


There’s no rule about what you should talk about when you sext or who should send the first one. What matters is that both of you enjoy it and are comfortable. Always stop if the other person wants to, and never sext random strangers who aren’t expecting it. Just because someone retweeted you or liked your comment on Facebook doesn’t mean they want to see your genitals or learn how horny you are. In consensual situations, however, sexting can be as hot as you want it to be.

If you still feel awkward, admit it, especially if you’re in a relationship with the other person. That kind of openness can be endearing. You may both feel awkward together. Your sexts don’t have to sound like steamy erotica or dialogue in porn to turn you both on. Just say what you feel and share what you’re both comfortable with.

Do you struggle with sexting? Let us know in the comments below!

Infographic for How to Sext Without Feeling Stupid

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