How to Dominate 101: Finding Your Inner Domme

Finding your inner domme is all about having self-confidence, exercising control and, of course, finding a subservient lover. New to the idea of power play or want to move to the next phase of your BDSM journey? Try some of these tips for unleashing the fierce dominatrix within.

Tips for the New Domme

Before you even think about dominating your partner, talk about it. We know that doesn’t exactly sound sexy, but you need to establish ground rules and safe words.

Both partners should understand that the core of dom/sub play is mutual respect, even though the sex acts may be considered demeaning in nature by non-players. Ask your partner about their deepest fantasies and share your own in a trusting, non-judgmental space.

Establish a safe word that’s both easy to remember and indicative of two actions: slow down and stop. Use “yellow” or “red” if you can’t think of anything more creative. If your domme session includes a ball gag, have your partner hold an object that can be dropped to signal they want out.

How to Dominate

While your version of domination and control might differ from another’s, there are many ways to experiment until you find what you both like.

  • Dress up: Fetish clothing is perhaps the easiest segue into BDSM. Corsets, leather, straps, boots, fishnets—you know what your partner likes. Get into character and make them sit naked—watching and lusting after your body until you’re ready.
  • Wear a strapless strap-on: Penetrate your woman with a dildo or give your husband what he’s been too shy to ask for—prostate stimulation. Strapless strap-ons fit comfortably inside you while you give orders and stimulate your partner on your terms.
  • Try a paddle or flogger: Want to make her beg for it? Put a blindfold on your partner and have her sit naked, hands behind her back. Gently run the tassels of something like the black rose whipping willow flogger against her skin before giving her a surprise whip. Increase the intensity unless she gives you a sign to stop.
  • Deny his orgasm: Edging refers to bringing him to the brink of climax without letting him come, then backing off and building the tension again. This requires communication, so be sure to tell him he’s not allowed to orgasm until you say so and make him tell you when he’s getting close. Torture, withdrawal, repeat.

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill proudly carries the best sex toys and fetish wear to get you in the bossy mood. Just remember, regardless of what you wear or what toys you buy, dominating is a mental game. Initiate sex. Tell your partner what you want when you want it. Order; don’t ask. See? Your inner domme has been there all along!

What makes you feel most dominant with a partner? Let us know in the comments below!

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