How Masturbation Affects Your Romantic Relationship

Masturbating, or “wanking” as it is referred to in the U.K, doesn’t have to be something you give up when you are in a committed, romantic relationship. It can be a great way to relax and give yourself pleasure, but can also be a turn-on for your partner.

Your sexual development is an important part of living a healthy lifestyle. Yet it is still a taboo subject in today’s society. Because of this, sometimes being in a relationship with someone who masturbates can be upsetting for some people. It often makes them feel as if their partner is not sexually satisfied in the relationship. On the contrary, masturbating is an excellent way for someone to learn more about his or her body and what it responds to sexually. In fact, you may even find that both male and female masturbation can be beneficial. If you and/or your partner explored your own body in your single days, it can actually help to make both your sex life and your marriage much more satisfying.

Rules of Masturbating in a Relationship


There are a few cardinal rules you should follow when you bring masturbation into your relationship. Following these rules will make it less likely that your relationship is negatively affected by your desire for self-love. Three important rules regarding masturbation should be incorporated into your relationship.

  • Talking about the subject is the first rule to follow. While you may at first feel uncomfortable discussing the subject with your significant other you will probably find this is a better option than getting upset with your partner for masturbating. During the conversation it is important for both of you to ask each other relevant questions. The more you talk about the subject the less likely it is to become offensive throughout the course of your relationship. Sharing any fears, concerns or reservations with each other can take the pressure off of the partner that does enjoy pleasuring him or herself.
  • Setting a specific time to engage in this activity is also important for keeping your relationship harmonious. Inform your partner of when you intend to pleasure yourself so that they can choose whether or not to be present for it. While some couples have no problem masturbating together, others see it as a solo activity when their lover is not present.
  • Don’t leave evidence of your solo sexual activity for your partner to stumble across if its going to make him or her uncomfortable. Sex toys should be stored out of sight when not in use, and porn should be shut off when you are done.

Masturbation as Foreplay

Statuette African men in Santa hats with erection
Statuette African men in Santa hats with erection

When you and your partner agree to make pleasuring yourselves a couple’s activity you may find that it makes an excellent form of foreplay. For most women, this is a crucial aspect of connecting sexually. Watching your partner pleasure him or herself while you do the same can give both of you the confidence you need to make the most of your time in the bedroom. You’ll find that when you pleasure yourselves together you will have a rise in your heart rate and your blood will rush to your genitals; this goes a long way in making your sexual activity all that much more exciting. It will also cause a man to become erect and a woman to begin lubricating. When you finally join your bodies as one the sex is likely to be much more intense and pleasurable as a result.

Enhancing Your Relationship

In many ways, it can enhance your relationship when you take the time to learn what pleases you sexually and what doesn’t. It can also make it easier to communicate with your partner as you’ll be more in tune with your body. If you and your partner have different sexual appetites, pleasuring yourself can be a great way to remain satisfied without demanding more from your partner than they can give.

Stress Relief

Another reason for masturbating when in a relationship is because for many people it serves as an effective form of stress relief for both men and women. Stress and sexual activity of any kind are closely associated when it comes to romantic relationships. One reason for this is that chronic stress experienced by you or your partner can damage your relationship. Chronic stress often has a debilitating effect on one’s sex drive.

This can be counteracted by engaging in sexual activity with your partner, as masturbation does not release oxytocin into your body, but making love to your partner does. Masturbating side by side can be a great way for both of you to rid yourselves of the stress that may be blocking your desire for sex.

Masturbation in Long Distance Relationships

Black and white picture of sexy beautiful girl with perfectly fit body relaxing holding hands on tits in white chair or bed
Black and white picture of sexy beautiful girl with perfectly fit body relaxing holding hands on tits in white chair or bed

Since couples don’t always live in the same house, or even the same city or state, masturbation is often a tool used to satisfy those in a long distance relationship. If you and your partner are together romantically but not physically, masturbating can be the key to keeping the relationship healthy.

While your partner can’t watch you pleasure yourself over the phone or by email, one way you two can still share the intimacy is to each film yourselves masturbating separately and send the footage to each other. If you are self-conscious about filming yourself masturbating, film yourself doing it in the dark. Though your partner won’t be able to see what you are doing they will hear the aroused noises you make and can use their imagination to picture it.

Another option for sharing your masturbation with your long-distance significant other is to use a service such as Facetime or Skype, the latter of which allows you to make a video call to anywhere in the world. Watching each other masturbate can be a great way to keep the intimacy in your relationship no matter how far apart you are.

Sex Toys and Masturbation

A set of various sex toys, dildos and bdsm accessories
A set of various sex toys, dildos and bdsm accessories

When masturbating for each other, sex toys can be a valuable tool to spice things up even more. With his and hers sex toys you can essentially masturbate together despite the distance between you. Her best bet is to purchase a dildo approximately the size of his penis, while he purchases a Fleshlight. Choosing the right type of dildo is the key to making the experience as close to reality as possible. All you have to do is tell each other exactly what you are doing with your respective sex toys. Syncing up your masturbation can help you feel a connection that the distance makes impossible otherwise.


Every couple has different ideas about masturbation. Some swear by it while others see it as an undesirable act when in a relationship. As long as you and your partner understand and respect each other’s feelings on the subject making it a part of your relationship should not cause tension, arguments or self-doubt from either one of you.

There is a right way and a wrong way to masturbate when in a relationship. The specific circumstances of your relationship may cause you to approach the subject different than other couples would. Used as a tool to enhance intimacy, self pleasure can be a very healthy aspect of any romantic relationship.

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