Sexual confidence is a slippery thing; it can be hard to establish and even harder to hold onto. Culture and media put high expectations on people to be sexy, (but not too sexy!). We are often led to believe that our intrinsic human value is rooted in our sexuality, our sexual experience, and our sexual expertise. Consciously developing your sexual confidence, alone and with partners, may help you expand your sexual expression which feeds that confidence.
Try these six things and discover the difference for yourself.
Remember, it’s all in your head
It’s a cliche but still worth repeating: sexual confidence is a mental exercise. If your confidence in yourself is lacking, your sexual confidence may also be as well. Practice positive self-talk, finding things you love or appreciate about your body. Draw on positive past experiences where you felt sexy and confident to grow your sexual self-confidence. Making time to focus on yourself will give you the momentum to push past the expectations of anyone who may have dented your sexual self-worth. You are as sexy as you believe you are!
Sext like you mean it
Expressing yourself sexually through words feels empowering and, as a result, contributes to a sense of sexual confidence. Find your voice and explore desire through sexting. Establishing and sharing your personal sexual vocabulary by text only can allow you to push your boundaries and say things you might otherwise not say. Exploring sexual fantasies with a willing sexting partner can really help you loosen up and get comfortable with your own desires. Comfortable means confident, and confident means sexy.
Consider the power of body language
If sexual confidence is so mental and intellectual, why do we all work out to look good naked? Why do we consume pornography at unprecedented rates and spend millions on lingerie and other intimate products? Although confidence is all in your head, your body also knows what it wants. Listening to your body helps you express yourself. Get down with your glorious self and learn to admire and adore your body. Touch yourself all over. Redefine your personal judgments of your body. Change the words you use to describe yourself. Not only will it feel good and validate your sense of self, but it will also help you express your wants and needs and increase your appeal to others.
Practice makes perfect
Masturbation is still a taboo subject for lots of people, despite the fact that most people do it regularly. Being an avid masturbator contributes to sexual confidence. Masturbation puts you more in tune with your body and its responses to stimuli and pleasure. Solo sex allows you to explore and understand your own body, which in turn equips you to show or tell (or both!) a partner what works for you and what doesn’t. Look at your body, touch your body, learn all its secrets, and revel in how wonderful it is.
Undress for success
Body image issues are a reality for a large portion of society. It’s a cultural wound that doesn’t see race, age, ability, or gender presentation. Overcoming body shame takes a lot of work and time. Embrace the journey instead of waiting to be at the destination because even slow progress is progress. Practice undressing in front of a mirror, snap some nude selfies (don’t share them without the other person’s express consent), or put on a sexy playlist and be your own private dancer. Remember that your value is not measured by your body. You are entitled to set your own beauty standards and reject socially prescribed standards.
Believe your lover(s)
If you ever feel plagued by insecure feelings about how your partner/lover perceives you, you are not alone. Even encouraging and affectionate partners and a bit of confidence, those days happen to the best of us. Worse, they chip away at our hard-earned sexual confidence. Take compliments at face value, and don’t get caught in your own negative narrative. Just like you don’t see their “imperfections,” they don’t see yours either. Your sense of your sexual self and the confidence you cultivate within yourself needn’t be defined by anyone but you. Anyone who can’t get on board with that doesn’t deserve to be a part of your journey.
Improving your sexual confidence takes more than one online article can contain, but it also isn’t rocket science. It’s never too late to work on your confidence, and it doesn’t have to improve overnight. If you are patient and make a focused effort to work on how you think and feel about yourself, your sexual confidence will grow. Don’t you deserve that? I think you do.
Do you consider yourself sexually confident? Why or why not? Let us know below!