Oftentimes, the inability to orgasm can have nothing to do with your partner’s technique. There are numerous psychological reasons why you might not be able to come. As understanding is half the battle, rest assured it’s entirely possible to get over what gets you down between the sheets. Follow Jack and Jill’s guide to getting your mind right so that your body follows suit.
Whether you’re simply uninterested in sex as a result of stress or distracted by one million things you have to do while in the act, it’s imperative you get a handle on that overwhelming worry. Try a five-minute meditation each morning or around the time you usually have sex, perhaps in the evening when work has been finished and you’re ready to relax. Consider scheduling sex if your calendar is always full.
Insecurities can be buried deep within the subconscious and established from an early age. It could be that you feel you have too much extra weight to be sexy or that you’ll never stack up to your partner’s ex. Whatever the reason, you won’t be able to find happiness no matter how many times your partner tells you how amazing you look. You have to practice self-love on a daily basis.
Holding the belief that sex is wrong, dirty or immoral can have many origins — family and religion being the top two. It’s not easy to reverse such long-standing ideals; however, you can start by acknowledging where they come from and talking them through with your partner, therapist or even a sex-positive online community. The more you observe sex as commonplace between two people (or yourself), the more normal it will feel.
The mind-body connection plays a large role in achieving orgasm. If you’re not feeling emotionally attached to your partner, you could have trouble reaching orgasm regardless of how good he or she is. Sometimes it’s as simple as giving your relationship a reboot. If you’re in a long-term rut, start from the beginning and take each other on dates. Talk about sex by sharing fantasies. Introduce a new toy to the bedroom — just don’t forget the foreplay as you reestablish your mental connection.
It sounds too easy to be true, but oftentimes the simple act of telling yourself to let go works wonders in the moment. It’s OK to be vulnerable (and honest, too) if you simply can’t finish. Try changing positions or dialing it back to foreplay as you try to return to the present. Faking it doesn’t do either partner any favors in the long run.
Have you ever had a hard time getting off? Were any of these reasons part of the problem? Share your story down in the comments!