Having sex with a partner already implies a certain intimacy. You’ve taken at least some of your clothes off and allowed a person to get as physically close to you as possible. Including potentially being inside you. But can you increase the intimacy you feel with a partner through sex alone?
We asked a few experts for their take on which positions increase intimacy. A couple may surprise you.
Flip the script on your sex position. If missionary’s not your usual thing, bring back this classic for added intimacy. But if missionary is your typical go-to, switch things around with the “bottom” partner on top. It might seem like an old-school way to have sex, but it offers an intimate boost, too.
According to Melissa Krechler, mindset coach, “Both positions give you the opportunity and means to visually connect to your partner through your eyes.” That’s right, keep your eyes open while you’re making love. “Connecting with your eyes can create a deeper intimacy through the emotional and visual aspects,” continues Krechler.
An oft-forgotten sex position, spooning leads to forking, so of course it’s great for intimacy. “Spooning is the most accessible of all the intimacy-increasing positions,” states Angela Watson, sex therapist and educator at DoctorClimax.com. The big spoon tends to do most of the work whether that’s penetration, stroking, caressing, or other sexy bits with hands, sex toys, mouth, and more.
“The reason why this position is so fantastic is because of the sheer amount of skin-to-skin contact available, and the fact that rarely does either partner become uncomfortable regardless of time spent in the position. Skin to skin contact has been scientifically proven to release chemicals like oxytocin into the body which helps two individuals bond with one another,” says Watson.
Want the face-to-face contact with your partner without the same-old missionary position? Try the Seated Lotus. Marcus Anwar, co-founder of OhMy.ca explains the position: “One partner sits on the bed with their legs crossed while the other partner sits on top of their partner wrapping their legs around their back. The partner on top rests their hands on their partner’s shoulders for the ultimate comfort.”
Anwar continues, “What makes this position great is that it offers an intimate face to face exposure in which partners can make eye contact, kiss, and whisper things to each other. This position really intensifies intimacy because your entire bodies are touching. The partner on top can move slowly and sensually that can further intensify the passion between the couples.”
To be fair, only of you has to stand for this position. According to Angela Watson, the penetrating partner stands while the other partner lies down on a flat surface. It can be a bed, of course, but a sturdy table or comfortable couch will work, too. The person lying down can wrap their legs around the other’s torso or rest their ankles on their shoulders.
“This position allows for the penetrating partner to comfortably thrust away which results in a lot of pleasure on both sides. It also provides a very wide range of motion for adjustment so either partner can communicate with the other to slowly optimize the position for both sides. This back and forth communication directly translates into better sex and drives the intimacy increase,” advises Watson.
Didn’t expect to see the rough and ride’em position in this list did you? Intimacy is built in a lot of different ways beyond the sensuous nature of eye contact or close touch. Doggy style gives you a different option if the idea of soft, slow lovemaking with Sade playing in the background just doesn’t do it for you.
Krechler advises, “This one creates intimacy through the level of trust through control that you give your partner.” And anyone who likes it fast, rough, and with their partner taking a little control knows that you’ve got to trust them at least a little to let them hit from the back like that.
Another position you probably didn’t expect to see on this list, but it’s not just for finding out which one will forget to keep going first. (You know, because the other partner is doing such a good job with their tongue.) It’s all about how you think about the sex you’re having that can help foster intimacy.
According to Anwar, “Performing oral sex acts such as fellatio and cunnilingus requires you and your partner to be vulnerable. This vulnerability between partners will make them feel more connected. There is probably nothing that tells your partner, “I am craving you” than orally pleasing and satisfying them.”
One more final pro tip: Any sex position can include a sex toy whether that’s a dildo for penetration or a vibrator for a pleasant buzz. The position might feel amazing but something is still missing. You might just need added stimulation to get you over the edge. If you want to create an extra-special closeness with your partner, try any of these positions. Consider it an experiment. Sex in the name of science is never a bad thing.