Maybe you want your boyfriend to stop giving you side-eye when you pull out a vibrator or dildo. Maybe you really want your partner to try a men’s sex toy but they think they “shouldn’t” need one to get off or feel sexual pleasure. No matter which camp you fall into, getting your man more comfortable with sex toys improves your mutual sex life by allowing for more openness, experience, and sensations.
Not sure how to give him the nudge to get okay with toys? Try these tips.
Show Him How You Use Them
If you’re comfortable doing it, put on a show for him. Masturbate using your favorite sex toy. Let him see you go wild with a vibrator, dildo, anal toy, or whatever you love most. Share your excitement and pleasure, and he may start wondering if he can have some of that for himself.
Some guys will be concerned that they can’t make you feel as good as your sex toy does. This is where it’s important to talk about what he does that you like — especially if a sex toy can’t do it for you. But you might also point out that if he did his thing while your toy did its thing, you might explode with pleasure — and later return the favor in your own way.
Let Him Feel Your Toy on His Body
For many guys, their first experience with a sex toy is their partner’s vibrator. After watching you get off in a big way and enjoy yourself, he might be wondering what it feels like. As long as you’re comfortable with it, let him feel it for himself. Some guys put a vibrator on their shaft or their balls. Make sure it’s on a low setting or it may be too intense, and he’ll never try it again.
Once they feel it, especially if they enjoy the stimulation, many guys will want something like it for themselves. That doesn’t mean you need to give up your sex toys. Now is the time to encourage him to go buy a few for himself.
Talk About It
As long as he’s open to the conversation, discussing how you feel about sex toys — for him or for you — is a great way to help him become more comfortable with the whole idea of them. Some guys think they’re in competition with a sex toy for your affection. Let him know he’s wrong. Other guys think they shouldn’t like, need, or want a sex toy — that you or their hand are enough. Tell him how wrong you think he is about that.
Sex toys are tools to enhance sexual pleasure. Using them in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean one partner is dissatisfied with the other. It means they need (or want!) a different kind of sensation. Yes, even if you or they really enjoy how your partner makes you feel. But since most of us have never been told any of this, we need to hear it — over and over again — before we can believe it.
Encourage Him to Buy His Own Sex Toy
Whether you want your partner to be more comfortable with your use of sex toys or you really want him to have his own, encourage him to buy one. Even if he never becomes a sex toy collector, at least you’ll have normalized the use of sex toys in your relationship. He’ll know it’s okay if he uses a masturbator or prostate massager when he’s alone or when you have sex with each other. And he won’t blink (hopefully) when you pull out your favorite sex toy to make sure you get exactly what you need, too.
You never know… shopping for sex toys and using them together might become your new routine for date night. And you’ll both get more sexual pleasure in the process. That’s a win-win for everyone.
Some guys can’t imagine using a sex toy for their own pleasure. Many guys think there’s a problem if their partner uses one — alone or during sex. Neither is a great way to view sex or pleasure. Sex toys provide sexual satisfaction, pleasure, and release for a lot of people, in a lot of different ways. Even if he never decides to use one for himself, being comfortable with sex toys makes life better for everyone in your relationship.
Are you a guy who feels comfortable using sex toys? Feel free to share how you got to that point down in the comments!