Your partner has your hips in a bruising grip as they pound away, thrusting in and out of you. You’re both yelling and sweating. It’s the hottest sex you’ve had in a long time. Out of nowhere, you feel their palm land on your bottom. It hurts, but it feels good, too. You move faster, yell louder, and demand more.
For a lot of people, this is their only real experience with spankings. If that swat on the butt is good but not enough, and you crave more, it may be time to try a different type of spanking with your partner. You don’t have to be into BDSM to enjoy spanking, and you can make it as kinky as you want. The important thing is to try out different methods to find what you enjoy most about spankings.
Being a Bad Girl (or Boy)
Did you forget to buy milk? Was it your turn to empty the dishwasher or pick up the dry cleaning? Were you kind of rude to your partner? Any of that could be grounds for a spanking – assuming all parties agree. When you’ve been “bad” and need a reminder that both of you find sexy and kinky, this kind of spanking can be perfect.
Commonly known as funishment, the idea is to use an excuse or pretend to do something “wrong” in order to get what you really want – a hand on your ass, red marks, the pain, or the feeling of being powerless. Whatever it is you like about spankings, this will get you there. Word to the wise: this only works when your partner knows what’s happening. If you don’t clue them in, they’ll wonder what the hell is wrong with you while you pout about being “bad.”
The schoolgirl/boy and teacher game is probably the most well known, but any type of roleplay will do. The point is to put yourself in a mental space where you’re pretending to be someone completely different. Your partner isn’t really your loving partner, they’re the one who has to discipline you or hurt you. You’re the “victim” in the most consensual way possible.
For people intrigued by the idea of spankings but unable to get into it when you’re just getting naked together, this is a good option. It’s a game. If it didn’t work or you didn’t enjoy it, it feels like it’s less about your partner and more about the roleplay. Think of this as the dress rehearsal for potential spanking fun later.
This type of spanking isn’t for everyone. First, the receiver has to be okay with feeling pain. Second, the spanker has to be very comfortable spanking their partner outside of a sexual position or purpose. For people who use spankings for this, they really can work. They are sometimes called “therapeutic spankings.” The idea is to build up pain in your body until you experience some kind of emotional release.
Get into your preferred spanking position – bent over the bed, standing against the wall, or laying over your partner’s lap. Try to relax. Now, let the spanking begin, and make sure you have a signal to let your partner know when it needs to end. As the spanker, check in with your partner from time to time. Sometimes, for the sake of safety, the spanking has to stop before you cry or yell or have any real emotional release.
Paddles, Floggers, Crops, Oh My!
Most people think of spankings as something done with a bare hand. In most cases, this is true. It’s certainly a good option for anyone new to spanking. But paddles, floggers, crops, and more can all be used. Why would you add a kinky toy to your spanking? Because it adds completely different sensations and energy to the moment.
In roleplay, maybe you use a ruler which will feel different than a hand and help you get into the role. During a spanking simply for the release, maybe your hand gets tired or you can’t smack hard enough to give your partner what they need. A paddle helps. Being “punished” might feel more real if a belt is used. See? Adding something new to the spanking can change the entire scene.
Spankings can be much more than a light smack on the ass during sex. If that’s as much as you want, have a good time. But if the idea of spankings really intrigue you, there is a whole world for you to discover. You’ll experience new sensations, try new positions, and come up with a million new reasons for your next spanking.
Know someone who wants to explore spankings? Share our infographic below!